Here goes, I'll give you a little bit of a low-down.
For anyone who is new here in my little bloggy space (welcome!), here's an illustration of my life right now.
I am Holly, I'm 29 years old, married to an amazing man with whom I have a 3 year old son. We are New Zealanders, well my husband is a New Zealand and a US citizen. We are "in-the-process" of immigrating to the US. My husband went over to the US in March in search of employment while my son and I wait here in New Zealand for our immigration visas to come through. The idea was that we would be apart from each other for two to three months, visas would come through and we'd be over there before July 4th (which I was SO looking forward to experiencing) and especially, we'd be together for our boy's 3rd birthday party.
That was all about plan C or D in the alphabet of ideas.
Since we've been making plans, I think we've learned that it is sometimes best to not even make a plan - lest we get our hopes up and have to make yet another new plan.
So far, it's the 15th of July. My husband and I have spent our 5th wedding anniversary apart. We've spent our son's 3rd birthday party apart. We've spent hours on Skype. We've spent hours on frustrating, lagging Skype. We've spent our nights apart. It has been no less than 3 months and 21 days and we are still waiting for some kind of word.
My husband has heard that we 'should' hear from them in the next month. I know this is good news. This is reason to be happy. Rejoice.
But, honestly, I am struggling. I've held on for so long, my grip is weakening. I never for a second anticipated the wait would be this long - and it's only going to be longer, at least a month after we officially hear from the visa-place will we, maybe, be able to see each other in 'real life' again. I'm not getting enough sleep, I had a dizzy episode at work and had to come home, after only being there for about half an hour.
It's not just me struggling, my husband is too. I'm not sure exactly how our boy is coping, but he truly seems to be going 'ok'.
A week or two ago I made a set of binoculars out of a cardboard roll, cello-tape and string. I even said, "You might be able to see Daddy with these." I felt my heart break when he ran to the window and looked through the new binoculars, only to show me his most confused and sad face when he couldn't actually see Daddy. Oops. He understands the word 'pretend' so I should have explained that a little better beforehand.
I'm not exactly sure how to put into words what I feel. It's such a weird place to be in, almost grieving, almost ecstatic, almost glad, almost hopeful, in despair.
Honestly... I am discouraged. I don't know a heavier word to put beside that awful word 'discouraged' because it's too light. It's not simply that I've had something sad happen, or not happen and I'm wallowing in self-pity. It's more of an emotionally-exhausted, silently-screaming, incapasitatingly-confusing situation. Some days I can't get anything done, and I don't know why. Other days I somehow manager to get so much done, and wonder how I did it - worrying that the next day I'll be expected to perform the same.
Over-thinking, under-thinking, forgetting, managing, just. I have had my up days. I have had my down days. I'm quite finished with this unknowing. It's actually really, really hard.
Right now, I'm holding on to the hope that we will hear in the next month. I just don't want it to go on for any longer than that. Please.
This certainly was not in any of our plans.
PS I miss blogging. I feel like I've neglected this space, a place where I enjoy showing off my fun stuff, not my sad stuff, so please look forward to hearing great and awesome and fantastic news in the next month!
PPS I just need cuddles.
PPPS Next time (thank God, there won't be a next time), we would definitely do this a different way around.
Here I am thinking, "I've got nothing to write about, my life is so boring right now, there's just nothing happening." Blah blah blah.
But, the truth is, there is always something going on. No matter how 'boring' or 'plain', there is always something happening.
For example, my Little Lion is unofficially (I'm not tempting fate) out of nappies. Even at night time.
In my wallowing of self-pity I forgot that I finished this crochet art (and I forgot that I had promised to show it off):
I am really, really pleased with it. It's so coooool! And, the fact that a 'Nana' today told me it was brilliant, while inspecting it, made my day. It's got 'Nana's' seal of approval (that means I'm winning!).
Also, many thanks to the designer of the crochet pattern.
If you love the pattern as much as me, you can purchase it on her website, it's called Glory.
Then, just the other day I bought this delicious crochet pattern from the same designer and so far I'm up to here with it (only 2 or 3 more rows to go):
The pattern is designed to be made with thicker yarn so the doily turns out like a blanket or rug, but here I'm using a 2ply linen. It's going to be about 40cm diameter when it's finished. And then, I'll be sewing it onto the back of my hoodie that I made in August of 2013.
So, I'm looking forward to showing that off too! Stay tuned. Here's hoping it turns out awesome!
And, a shout out to Friv, Thanks for your encouraging comments!
Granny blew up the dishwasher. So, with a new dishwasher came a giant box. It lives in the lounge and gets used daily. It has windows and a door, as well as the huge trap-door at the top. Almost everyone has been inside the box: Granddad, Uncle Donald, Abbi, myself, of course LJ, Uncle Steve (I think). Granny and Aunty V haven't ventured in yet. Yet. Granddad (my Dad) and LJ are both in the box here, Granddad is 6 feet tall, you can see his white beard and his fluoro shirt.
I had the market on the 31st of May. Probably the last market in New Zealand I'll do for a loooong time (hopefully).
It was freezing cold inside a huge hall, hence the blurry photo. I was shivering a lot. I'm surprised I didn't get a cold from being in there. Thankfully I had a lovely friend drop me off a hottie and a blanket. Yes, it really was that cold!
I started a part-time job! I'm now a checkout operator. It's some time out, it's easy work, it's good to get out of the house, I'm making the most of Grandparents-as-babysitters, it gives a little $ in the pocket. I do miss my boy when I finish work, though.
I made enough moolah at the market to buy my Little Lion a merino woollen vest from another marketer, to pay for the table and to buy a coffee. I think the coldness of the room scared a lot of people off. But, honestly, I think I did really well considering the small amount of people that came through.
I bought some linen yarn through Etsy, from Lithuania. They kindly made up a custom listing just for me. I'm now crocheting it up like a boss (a Nana).
I also bought some henna paste through Ebay... having fun doodling on my skin. Finding out if I like something enough to get it permanent.
I also bought some nice shoes. They cancelled my order after 6 weeks of waiting. I got my money back. But, really, I'd rather just have the shoes. I'm a bit sad about this, still.
My Little Lion is pretty much out of nappies. He's pooping on the loo now, his night-nappies have been dry in the morning for a while now. He's taller. His shirts and pants are beginning to not cover his ankles or wrists. He's so awesome.
My husband is working hard in the US. He's missing us, we're missing him. He's been over there since March, 24th. We still haven't heard about our visas - hoping/expecting to hear in the next 4-6 weeks. Time goes by so slowly when I think about how much I miss him. I try not to think about how much I miss him! He sends us treats sometimes...
I quite like jolly ranchers. LJ likes the swedish fish and the dots.